he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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