hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
