the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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