the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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