the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We got so high we made milksteak
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
