Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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