Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
