The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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