I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
