oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
