Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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