'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
