Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
