i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
When are your genitals available?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
