WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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