if i died would you start the facebook group?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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