you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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