I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
