You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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