saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
