There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
