we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
