Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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