and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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