A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
