Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
