Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
