So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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