Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
