Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
