it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
