It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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