yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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