so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This is the high leading the old right now
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
