is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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