Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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