Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
