It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
