She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
