i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The uberlube is also flammable
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I'm really busy with my period
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