then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
