i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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