im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
