I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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