i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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