Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
