I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
