I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
