Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
