Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
