I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
