I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
