dude i'm inner monologue high
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
