STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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