hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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